| Although Laurie's last letter home was mundane, he had penned an earlier letter which was, in sentiment and intent, very much a 'last letter'. It reads as follows and is quoted from Last Letters Home by Tasmin Day-Lewis (Macmillan Press):
My Darling,
When I was walking back from Heyford Station yesterday, I realised how little I appreciated the beauty of the countryside, how little I seemed to take interest, and on realising that I stopped in the road and looked about me, and for the first time noticed how lovely everything is about here. Having found that out I tried to fathom the question of why I hadn't noticed it before, why I wasn't taking my usual interest in the countryside, for although I'm not of a poetic nature or anything like it, I feel that I've always taken quite a lot of interest in my surroundings, I loved the Isle of Wight and all the places of natural beauty, especially St. Martha's which holds such wonderful memories for me. And I came to these conclusions. Firstly, this beastly war. War has no rightful place on this earth, besides destroying men and property, everything that is seen, it destroys those unseen things, our senses, our sense of beauty, happiness, comradeship amongst all men, anything that is worth living for. Property is not essential. But happiness, a love of beauty, friendship between all peoples and individuals, is life itself.
Secondly, you. I've put you second, I wonder if you feel that strange. But this war affects everybody, I'd be very selfish if I put you first in this thought, I'm trying to fathom out for myself. You are just everything to me. The unforgivable way I write would make another feel that you have been guilty of my loss in taking no notice in the surrounding beauty, but you understand, I’m sure, that it is only because I’m not constantly with you, that is the real factor. You, Darling, have made me able to see, to feel and to understand, all the beauty that is in the world, and life itself, without you that understanding does not disappear, for you are with me constantly, in my thoughts, but that understanding of life does seem to fade.
This war is keeping us apart, and therefore it is to blame in my loss, and that loss is not only mine but of every person in the world connected with the war.
I have never spoken to you of my feelings and thoughts about this war, and I hope I will never speak of them again. Do you remember a small boy saying he would be a conscientious objector if war came? Things happened to change that small boy's views, talk of brutality, human suffering, atrocities, but that did not have any great effect on changing my mind for I realise that we all are capable of doing these deeds of which we read so much nowadays. It is the fact that a few people wish to take freedom from the peoples of the earth that changed my views. News of atrocities only breeds hate, and hare is contemptible in my eyes. I will never be capable I hope of hating anyone whatever they have done.
Why should I then fight in the war which only brings disgust into my thoughts?
It is so that I might live in happiness and peace all my days with you. You notice I put myself first, again it is a strange thing but I am trying hard to be honest with myself and I find that I, and consequently everybody, am terribly selfish, it is human nature, I'm afraid.
I am also fighting so that one day happiness will again rule the world, and with happiness that love of beauty, of life, contentment, fellowship among all men may return. You may again have noticed that I have not mentioned fighting for one's country, for the empire, that to me is just foolishness, for greatness in one nation will always breed hate and longing in another, and the whole of life will again be disrupted.
Mainly however, I'm fighting for the freedom of all men, and in that I am fighting just as much for the Germans as for the English people. With freedom and the destruction of hate this world will enter into a period which I hope will be much in advance of anything it has ever known.
When peace returns, and may it be soon, the world must make sure that the men and women of the future are educated in the right way, a love of beauty, not a love of war, and it is our own job to teach our children about all the loveliness of this world, to make them happy so that they can understand that love and happiness are the things really worth having.
Well, Darling, I seem to have been rambling on for some time, really I must stop. I don't know whether I have made any sense out of my ramblings, I only hope so.
Today's news is very small. I saw "They Flew Alone' tonight, and I think I enjoyed it, I'm not quite sure.
"The Stars Look Down' although not a pleasant sort of book has held my interest and I'm reading solidly through it.
All my love, Darling, you mean so very much to me,
Always,
Laurie |